Greetings,
You are pleasured by the joint posting of Priestess and Empress.
Today, Priestess kindly supplied us with the vital goods - penguin waffles. Empress melted the chocolate bits like she melts and pwns the hearts of men. She then, in true feminazi form, stabbed the chocolate in the eye and whipped it into submission. Priestess molded superb penguin waffles like she burns the possessive values of men.
We held a High Tea in the corner where we discussed how abhorrent and destructive men are. We were stunned as one we thought was our own turned against us - taking advantage of the joys of PENGUIN WAFFLES. Even wielding a fork at said red-headed beast could not deter her chocolate lust as she took advantage of our penguin waffles as men take advantage of women.
As the inspiration for our Misandrist Empress Cult we have pinned "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath as our Holy Prose. We urge, nay, demand that all prospective Sisters of Enlightenment consult Mother Sylvia's wisdom.
We must forewarn of our Holy Ground's male infiltration to come. Priestess and Empress attend a school solely devoted to the education of bright young women. Our sacred grove stands to be desecrated by members of the male race in an attempt to teach us how to lead. We laugh at the Higher Power's childish and primal belief that women cannot take a leadership without the assistance of men. After all, who birthed these men and raised them up from the dark dungeons of their mentality? Yes. Women. In every family women are leaders. Men would not have the strength to act with bastardly dispositions if the women did not provide the nurture and sustenance.
As the All-Knowing Saying goes: behind every great man is an even greater woman.
We take this to mean that men are stupid and women are sexy and pwn. xD
Moving on.
We will enlighten the Sisters as to our interactions and subsequent damning of the male invading Infidels at a later date.
This is a gift, it comes with a price. The gift of breasts. No, we are not sexist. As women, feminist and misandrist, Priestess and Empress fully support breasts. No we don't; our over-shoulder-boulder-holders do.
In all seriousness. Being a Misandrist Empress Cult Sister involves an acquired femininity. It IS a gift. And it comes with the price of buying yourself a sturdy set of bows and arrows to spear all the men with. Don't worry, Sisters, we are going to equip you.
To be a feminist or a misandrist you do not have to be unattractive. We believe that it is degrading to women that feminism has negative connotations. All we want to do is support our hatred of men... attractively. Not only do we believe that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL but we believe that you are too. And true beauty can flourish by rising up with your Fellow Sisters thus releasing yourself from the pressure of men. After all, who wants their opinion on attractiveness? WE are the Mothers of all aesthetic appeal. Thank you COCO CHANEL.
Heed our words and move throughout your daily wanderings a wiser and more empowered Sister.
May you find cupcakes in your garden,
Priestess and Empress
Dear Empress and/or Priestess,
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts will be with you on this day of terrible disaster. I fear that you will be welcomed by patronizing smiles and dim-witted humour as you are taught how to 'lead'.
These males, who are alleged 'experts', shall teach you, who are alleged 'desperate females', that you are a second rate citizen. They shall enforce the ideals that you cannot follow- because you are women. Of course it is necessary for a man to teach a woman how to lead, as their species shows great initiative in that area. They look to their proud leaders- Hitler, Mussolini, Putin- all of which show remarkable and amiable characteristics.
Your day will be filled with joy as the school once more settles to seclude the female from the male- as boys cannot be paired with girls because this will result in a collapse in the time space continuity of 1950.
My only advice is: "wear Sunscreen." It matters not if the day is forecast at only 24 degrees Celsius, there is nothing remotely amusing or feminine about second degree burns on the back of your neck. It results in nothing but permanent scarring.
Anon, may the mighty Medusa be with you.
- The person formerly known as a year twelve student.